Shawna R. B. Atteberry

One of my guilty secrets is watching TLC’s What Not to Wear. I’ve seen a disturbing trend on the show. One of the things women do over and over again is shop in the junior department shown by their clothing sizes being odd numbers. Women’s clothing sizes are even numbers. When hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly point this out to women, the main reason women give for buying clothing for teenagers is that they don’t want to look “old.” These are not women in the mid-late 20s. These are women in the mid-late 30s. The main reason this show is one of the my guilty pleasures is their view on women: it’s okay to be a mature woman with curves. It’s okay to dress and act our age. It does not make us “old.” It just means we’re dressing and being the women we are instead of the teenager our culture idolizes and tells us that this is how we should look (and by inference act). Our culture has a sick fascination with keeping women in perpetual adolescence.

Last year I wrote a post about a Total commercial that nauseates me (they still run it). In the commercial, upon learning that her teenage daughter doesn’t believe she fit into little, itty-biity hip huggers, the mother is shown eating Total cereal. At the end of the commercial the mother tells her daughter, “I want those back.” My slightly sarcastic observation was: “Because every woman should be the same size she was when she was 15.” Our culture believes “that fitting into the jeans one wore as a teenager is a worthy goal to go after and attain. To be perfectly honest I have no desire to starve myself back into the size 5 jeans I wore over 20 years ago. I like being healthy and being at a healthy weight (not to mention my size 12 jeans are much more comfortable, thank you very much Total).”

I like being a woman. I like my curves. The older I get, the more confident I am, and the happier I am. I like dressing like a woman. I walk by the junior department and think no way! I’m a woman–I’m a size 12–that’s Marilyn Monroe sexy baby. (Depending on what you read Marilyn was a size 12 or 14.) Look at the picture: Marylin had curves: she had hips! I have no desire to be a stick like Lindsey Lohan or Paris Hilton or the whole hosts of young female celebrities who are starving themselves. I just don’t think malnutrition looks good on a woman. I love it when I see a woman on TV who has meat on her bones. I’ll never forget when Law and Order: Special Victims Unit came out, and I saw Mariska Hargitay. The woman had curves: she looked like a woman, not a stick. I started watching the show for that reason alone.

This obsession with adolescent thinness leaves the impression that women aren’t supposed to take up room. In Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, Margaret Guenther makes the observation, “rarely addressed, in spiritual terms, is women’s own deep dislike of their bodies, their dissatisfaction with certain features, and their pervasive sense that they need to lose weight–literally to diminish themselves.” To diminish ourselves, to believe we should not take up room, to believe we were meant to be small. This is what our culture tells us by insisting we do not grow up. Don’t take up any more space. There isn’t room.

But culture is wrong. There is plenty of room. Room for women to be mature, intelligent, and curvy adults. All grown up. Knowing what we want and going after it. Dreaming and making those dreams come true. Taking up space, making ourselves bigger, not apologizing for our even sized clothing. Admitting that being 30-something is not “old.” Telling the truth: your 30s are when you start living. And for that reason I toast Stacy, Clinton, and What Not to Wear. They tell women the truth: you don’t have to be a perpetual teenager. You can grow up. You can be mature. You can take up all the space you want.

The picture is from Ellen’s Place.

See also:
The Wisdom of Winter
Poetry: I Want These Things Written on My Body
What Is Beauty?
All Grown Up?

I visited Grace Place on October 14. Due to all things going on in my life, I am now posting about it. Grace Place is a small congregation: they run 40-50 in their Sunday 10:00 a.m. service. I was very happy to see a small congregation doing well in the city. Before this the churches I’ve visited were huge. It was nice to see something smaller, since I will be beginning very small.

What I had never seen before was that no one was up front during the singing, prayer or psalm reading. The piano would introduce the song, and the priest, Father Tim Curtis, would sing loudly to get us started. He also led from the side in reading the Psalm. The only time people were up front were for the reading of the Scripture, the sermon, and Eucharist. After the songs, prayer, and Scripture Readings, there was sermon. The associate pastor, Sonny Lopez, preached. It was nice to see a woman preaching. I haven’t seen that since I stopped attending the First United Methodist Church with my husband last year (they have two female pastors on staff who preach regularly). She preached a sermon I needed to hear: that Christ is the one who empowers us. We walk in Christ’s power not our own.

After the sermon was a time of community prayer. After Father Tim prayed the pastoral prayer, people were invited to voice their prayers and thanksgivings, which they did. There were several prayer requests, thanksgivings, and praises. It was a time of true communal worship. I think I am going to be doing this in my own services. After passing the peace and the offering, we gathered around the altar for communion. Their altar is circular, so we all could stand around it as a family and receive the elements. Then there was the sending out and benediction. One of the really nice things about this service is they have cut out all of the getting up and down, bowing, genuflecting, and crossing yourself. So you didn’t have to worry about what you should be doing if you didn’t grow up in a high liturgical tradition.

I really liked the small community feel. But that is a personal preference. I lived in a small town and grew up in small churches. The thing I really liked is that this church is a community. There were coffee and snacks after the service, and everyone talked. I was warmly welcomed and talked with several people about the church. The same thing happened when we passed the peace during the service. Everyone took the time to talk, and there was a lot of hugging.

On Wednesday Grace Place has a noon Eucharist, which is a very simple service. There is no music and the liturgy is cut down to its basic components. It’s a quiet service of reflection and short sermon then Eucharist. It is a nice oasis in the middle of busy week if you work, live, or go to school in the Printers Row area. Centering Prayer is 12:00-12:15, and the Eucharist is 12:15-12:45 p.m.

Grace Place is very intentional about community and worshiping as a community. I really enjoyed worshiping with them and getting to know some of the people. I’ve been dropping in on the Wednesday Eucharist every other week or so.

I want to finish the post with the creed they use. They do not use The Apostle’s Creed or The Nicene Creed in their liturgy. They use this creed from A New Zealand Prayer Book/He Carakia Mihinare o Aotearoa:

You O God, are supreme and holy.
You create our world and give us life.
Your purpose overarches everything we do.
You have always been with us.
You are God.

You, O God, are infinitely generous,
good beyond all measure.
You came to us before we came to you.
You have revealed and proved
your love for us in Jesus Christ,
who lived and died and rose again.
You are with us now.
You are God.

You, O God, are Holy Spirit.
You empower us to be your gospel in the world.
You reconcile and heal; you overcome death.

You are our God. We worship you.

The picture is of a service at Grace Place from their website: Grace Church Chicago.

See also:
Willow Creek Chicago
A Via Media for Worship
W Is for Worship

Today is All Soul’s Day. I prefer Day of the Dead for one simple reason. In Mexico and Central America people take food to the graves of their loved ones and eat with them. They remember them and look forward to the time they will be reunited.

One of my little sisters, Tanya Anne Bound, died when she was nine months from a brain tumor. When I lived in Oklahoma, I always visited her grave and caught her up on everything. Now I spend this day thinking of her. She in now 35. On November 28, she will be 36. She literally grew up in the presence of Jesus. I wonder what that was like. I can’t wait to ask her. I can’t wait to see her. I was 2 when she died, and I don’t remember her. I long to have memories of my little sister. I wonder what she looks like. Did her eyes stay blue? Or did they turn like mine and Trina’s did. Trina has green eyes, and I have hazel (a blue/green mix). I wonder if she looks more like Mom or Dad. If she has curly hair like Dad or straight like Mom. Did she get the Bound height (my Dad is 6′2″ and Trina 5′9″) or Mom’s family shortness (Mom is 5′2″ and I’m 5′3″)? What does her smile look like. What does her laugh sound like? Is she an arrogant loud mouth like the rest of our Irish-Italian family, or did she have a chance, since she didn’t have to grow up with us? One day I will find out. Trina was born after Tanya died. The three of us have never been together, but one day we will be together for eternity. I spend this day celebrating that.

Tomorrow is my niece’s birthday. How appropriate that Tonya should be born, not only in November–her namesake’s birth month–but also the day after All Soul’s Day/Day of the Dead to remind us that life does not end here.

Eternal Lord God, you hold all souls in life: Give to your whole Church in paradise and on earth your light and your peace. Amen.

Who do you remember today?

I stood before her tomb: St. Catherine of Sienna at Sant Maria Soph de Minerva, Rome’s only Gothic church. Her remains were entombed in the high altar, which was gorgeous. Her likeness had been sculpted and laid in a glass sarcophagus. I gave an offering, lit a candle, and said The Lord’s Prayer. Later I thought of how I would have asked her to pray for me, if I prayed to saints.

There were were a few things Catherine did not like about the Catholic Church the same way there are a few things I do not like about the Church of the Nazarene. In fact, when we were in Rome, I was seriously considering leaving my denomination because of decisions made on the general leadership level that I thought were nonbiblical and unethical. I didn’t know if I could stay a member–especially an ordained minister–when I doubted decisions and motives at the highest levels of our leadership.

Catherine was born in 1347 in Siena, Italy. This was the time of the Great Schism in the Catholic Church with France and Italy vying for power. 75 years earlier French cardinals and the monarchy had succeeded in moving the papacy to Avignon, France. A move the Italians saw a betrayal of the highest order. For a time there were two popes because Rome and Italy refused to recognize the French “puppet” pope. By the time Catherine was born the papacy was firmly established in France.

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