I made another Top 100!

The X-Ray Technician Schools has listed me in their Top 100 Christian Bloggers. They have a lot of good sites listed. Go take a look. Thank you Sarah, for listing me.

Halloween and Confirmation Pictures

I know the two don’t quite go together, but the party was Saturday and Confirmation yesterday, so this was my weekend.

Mr Evil Clown and Mrs. Sexy Harlequin

The Hubby and I at church.

My priest, Ted Curtis, Tracy, Me, and Bishop Scantlebury

Confirmation and Vigils

I was confirmed at Grace Episcopal Church this morning. I am now an Episcopalian. Throughout the course of the day God has provided confirmation that this is what she wanted through my own heart and the people around me. I just finished praying Vigils from the Benedictine Daily Prayer: A Short Breviary
. It’s as if God has me one final gift before bed. This passage from Wisdom was one of this week’s readings:

For who will say, ‘What have you done?’
or will resist your judgement?
Who will accuse you for the destruction of nations that you made?
Or who will come before you to plead as an advocate for the unrighteous?
13For neither is there any god besides you, whose care is for all people,*
to whom you should prove that you have not judged unjustly;
14nor can any king or monarch confront you about those whom you have punished.
15You are righteous and you rule all things righteously,
deeming it alien to your power
to condemn anyone who does not deserve to be punished.
16For your strength is the source of righteousness,
and your sovereignty over all causes you to spare all.
17For you show your strength when people doubt the completeness of your power,
and you rebuke any insolence among those who know it.*
18Although you are sovereign in strength, you judge with mildness,
and with great forbearance you govern us;
for you have power to act whenever you choose.

19Through such works you have taught your people
that the righteous must be kind,
and you have filled your children with good hope,
because you give repentance for sins. (Wisdom 12:12-19)

Reader: O God, you are righteous and you rule all things righteously. Although you are sovereign in strength, you judge with mildness, and with great forbearance you govern us.

Response: Salvation and glory and power belong to our God, whose judgments are true and just. Although you are sovereign in strength, you judge with mildness, and with great forbearance you govern us.

God is my sovereign. God leads me where she wants me to go. It is not the journey I thought it would be. I thought I would remain in the Church of the Nazarene as a pastor for many more years. But that did not happen. God showed me another way in her gracious sovereignty. I am now a member of a new church–a totally new tradition. For the first time in my life I am not in an evangelical church. And I’m fine with that. I feel great freedom in shedding that heavy weight. For evangelical in this day is not the evangelical it once was. When it was more concerned with lifting up the poor and lowly, building schools, created homes for unwed mothers, teaching people trades. Evangelicalism gave up the acts of Christ for a privatized faith of right and wrong, us vs. them. But right belief and right doctrine does not always lead to right action. I am in a church that has the right action, and that action comes from the right belief: that we are called to love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus said on these two things the entire law hangs. Love God. Love ourselves. Love others. This is the greatest commandment. I am looking forward to being a part of the ministries to homeless we are doing as well as the new ministries to all the college students in the area. I feel like I have entered broader territory, and I have more room to find out who God is and who I am and what that means to the community I am a part of. I am looking forward to seeing where this new path will lead me.

“Stepping out in confirmation”
by Shawna R. B. Atteberry

A new step
A new direction
Letting go of the past
On a new path
Stepping into a broader space
With less fences
Less walls
Less rules
It feels good
To be trusted
To discern the Spirit
Instead of being
Told what to do.

(c)2008 Shawna R. B. Atteberry

(There are affiliate links in this post.)

My Story: An 8 year kinda, sorta courtship

Earlier this year, I talked about telling my story, but it got lost in the midst of working on other things, a major life change, and just the sheer busyness of life. I’ve been looking through my journals to look for something to get the juices flowing. Right about this time 10 years ago, I met my husband. I didn’t know it then. I liked him immediately because was smart, sarcastic, and could zing other people. He was very thoughtful and intelligent! I always had a thing for smart boys. We became good friends. And I began to want more. But at that time I thought I would be returning to Spain to work for my former church there. A few months later he transferred with his company to Chicago. We were in Kansas City. He moved and we stayed in touch. We emailed, and I would fly to Chicago to see him, and he would come to Kansas City to see me and other friends. I always wanted more, but I wanted this man in my life, so I was content to be friends. I found this entry in a journal dated September 2004–two years before we got together:

Yes, I am thinking of him again.Sometimes it really bites to be in love with one of your best friends. Been in love with him for years. Not long after we became friends. I chuckle as I remember how hard I fell for him. When I could be honest with myself, I would admit that I never fully recovered, didn’t know if I would.We both knew it would never be. Neither of us would never do the compromising it would take to make it work. [HA! How wrong was I!] We were friends–good friends. And with all of the reasons and the reality of why it couldn’t be rattling around inside my head–I loved him.

I’d only recently admitted to myself that yes, I did love him. And that I wanted to be more than friends. I always said I could fall in love with him. But I think that happened a long time ago. It was a bittersweet feeling. This knowledge of love and the knowledge it would never be more.

But I had decided having him in my life as a friend was much more important than him not being in my life at all because of all the little fantasies playing in my head that I knew would never pay out. Some days it was hard to live. Like today. Today when I got a wonderful email from him with his characteristic sarcasm and humor. He always made me smile.

But it was in the opening of the letter–his compliments. He liked my poem. The poem I wrote for him. The poem where I finally admitted to myself I loved him. I don’t remember him complementing any of my other writing so highly. He like it. He praised it. And once again I felt that old familiar ache in my heart.

And here is the poem that started this sentimental journal entry:

“I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints.”–Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“My Lost Saint”
It is odd
Finally, admitting to myself
How I feel.
I’ve kept it hidden
In the back of my heart
For a very long time.
So many reasons
Why I shouldn’t:
Like it will never be.
But that just hasn’t
Changed these feelings.
The depth of my emotion
Reveals itself at the smallest thing:
A sarcastic remark,
Affirmation that you see
Who I really am.
I do love you.
I am in love with you,
My lost saint.

©2006 Shawna Renee Bound

I’m not sure how I’m going to tell my story, but I am going to tell it. It will probably be more topical than chronological. But I do want to tell who I was, where I’ve been, who I am, and where I want to go. Two years after I wrote this poem and this journal entry, Tracy and I had our first date in January 2006, we we’re engaged in March, and married on May 26, 2006. We did make the compromises, and it did work out. There are some things it’s nice to be wrong about.

Mothers are apparently expendable

In last night’s debate John McCain air-quoted the “health” of pregnant women. Here’s what Nicole at Crooks and Liars said:

Clearly, in all his debate prep, no one thought to coach McCain not to go to the third rail of the abortion issue. Boy, was that an oversight. Because not only did McCain go there, he jumped right on to it.

In trying to paint Obama as being for the great Republican bugaboo of late term abortions (because, you know, there are so many women running around and deciding after being pregnant for six or more months that being pregnant is no longer convenient for them), Obama replied that he didn’t vote for the late term abortion ban because it had no provision for the health or life of the mother. And that’s when McCain proved how heartless and clueless he is:

Again…just again, an example of the eloquence of Senator Obama, health (indicates air quotes) of the mother. You know that’s been stretched by the pro-abortion movement to mean almost anything.

This is from Medical News Today:

The maternal mortality rate in the U.S. is the highest it has been in decades, according to statistics released this week by CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, the AP/Washington Post reports. According to the figures, the U.S. maternal mortality rate was 13 deaths per 100,000 live births in 2004. The rate was 12 deaths per 100,000 live births in 2003 — the first year the maternal death rate was more than 10 since 1977 (Stobbe, AP/Washington Post, 8/24). A total of 540 women were reported to have died of maternal causes in 2004, 45 more than were reported in 2003, according to the report (NCHS report, 8/21).

Reasons for Increase
A rise in the number of caesarean sections — which now account for 29% of all births — could be a factor in the increased maternal mortality rate, some experts said. According to a review of maternal deaths in New York, excessive bleeding is one of the primary causes of pregnancy-related death, and women who have undergone several previous c-sections are at particularly high risk of death.

Some studies have found that race and quality of care also factor into the maternal mortality rate. The maternal mortality rate among black women is at least three times higher than among white women. Black women also are more susceptible to hypertension and other complications, and they tend to receive inadequate prenatal care. Three studies have shown that at least 40% of maternal deaths could have been prevented with improved quality of care.

So no, the “health” of the mother does not matter in having a healthy pregnancy or healthy babies. Then there are these heartbreaking stories from women who have lost their babies in the later part of their pregnancy:

In March of that year, Watts was in the eighth month of a much-wanted pregnancy and was eagerly anticipating the birth of her first child. During a routine ultrasound (the only way to detect abnormalities that require late-term abortion), she discovered her baby had Trisomy 13, a chromosomal abnormality that causes severe deformities and carries no hope of survival.

Because her baby was already dying and because this put her own life at stake, Watts had an intact dilation and extraction (D and X), the procedure that Bush condemns as “brutal.”

“Losing my baby at the end of my pregnancy was agonizing,” says Watts. “But the way the right deals with this issue makes it even worse. When I heard Bush mention ‘partial birth abortion’ during the debates, I thought ‘How dare you stand there and tell flat-out lies?’ There is no such thing as this procedure! Why won’t the politicians listen to us?”

Watts and other women affected by this issue have tried to make legislators listen.

Testimony on Capitol Hill

When Congress first considered the ban in 1995, Watts testified on Capitol Hill. So did Viki Wilson of Fresno, Calif., who had a late-term abortion because the brain of the fetus she was carrying had developed outside the skull. So did Vikki Stella of Naperville, Ill., whose fetus had dwarfism, no brain tissue and seven other major abnormalities.

All three women told legislators they owed their health to late-term abortions and that a continuation of their doomed pregnancies posed grave health risks such as stroke, paralysis, infertility or even death.

So Senator McCain (and please dear God, let him remain Senator McCain), the “health” of the mother doesn’t matter does it? Of course this should not surprise me considering this is the same man who called his wife a cunt in public or thinks it’s okay for health insurance companies to cover Viagra but not the birth control pill. Because birth control is not a “health” issue. The hell it isn’t! What is more of a “health” issue than controlling the amount of children you’re body can handle and having access to prenatal care? Senator McCain, you can kiss my fat, white, middle class ass, and I hope you lose in one of the largest landslides ever! And if you don’t, then before January 21, I will be having a tubal ligation. Because you and your loony “women should have as many children as God gives them and let’s outlaw birth-control” VP (yes, Sarah Palin thinks the birth control pill and condoms should be outlawed) are NOT going to dictate to me if and when I have children.

Hat tip to Russell at Street Prophets.

Crossposted at Street Prophets.

EDIT: MSNBC just showed that the infant mortality rate in the United States is higher than in 26 other countries. Can we say lack of prenatal and preventative care?

The Oddity of Husbands

There was a load of laundry in the dryer last night. The utility “closet” (think really small broom closet) is in the bathroom, and we have to keep the door open, so that the dryer vents properly and the clothes dry. I go into the bathroom and see the door is closed. I open it and see the dryer door open. I assume that while I was working out in the living room, The Hubby, had gotten the clothes out and folded them. No such luck. Discovered this morning, clothes are still in the dryer. Apparently he was hunting for something. Why can’t he just take the clothes out of the dryer instead of rifling through for one thing and leaving the rest there?

I do not understand this oddity.

What oddity does you spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or significant other have that mystifies you?

Meme: Six uninteresting things about me

Sensuous Wife tagged me for this meme. As I really need to get back to blogging, I decided this would be a good way to start blogging regularly.

Meme Terms and Conditions
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. List six unspectacular things about you.
4. Tag six other bloggers by linking to them.

Things to make you snooze:

1. I am a geek. I have a shirt that says, “Geek.”
2. I love a good theology book.
3. I have a cat.
4. I have decided that my favorite of the seven deadly sins, sloth, must be dealt with. I have also decided that lust is just fine now that I’m married and can do something about it.
5. I crochet.
6. I like to take naps.

Are you snoozing yet?

OK, who should I tag?
Lainie Petersen at Headspace
Sally at Eternal Echoes
Sarah at The Bitten Apple
Mike at Chicago Carless
Eric at The Merge
Leah at Desert Spirit’s Fire

May God Bless You

This is a Franciscan Blessing that our priest used as our final benediction yesterday. I thought it would be the perfect way to start the week.

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. Amen.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen.

And the Blessing of God, who Creates, Redeems, and Sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen.

The Latest Dry Spell

My sinuses attacked me for about a week and a half, and now I’m playing catch-up. Regular posting will resume later this week. I’m sorry for the silence. I am hoping a combination of snorting salt water, Mucinex, hot showers, and hot toddies will help me survive the fall.

Please tell me your last two weeks have been better than mine. What have you been doing? What’s making you smile these days?

Magical Happenings in Chicago

My husband is an amateur magician, and therefore, we have magician friends. In fact, we have magician friends doing shows and having movies made about them. Here are some of the magical happenings happening around town this fall.

First up, is The Magic Cabaret, the macabre and wonderfully sinister brainchild of David Parr and P. T. Murphy. Although many people don’t know it, Chicago has a rich history of magicians, and was the premiere city for magic in the late 19th to early 20th century. Last year, Patrick (P. T.) gave a wonderful history of magic in Chicago along with a few of the tricks that Chicago magicians invented and made popular, and I’m hoping that gets worked in again. There will be a lot of storytelling and up close and personal magic in the show. Tracy and I are meeting up with Lainie and going tonight. The show runs through October 18 on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 8:00 p.m. at the Greenhouse Theater Center at 2257 N. Lincoln Ave. The tickets are $25.

Next up is Magic Chicago. Magicians Benjamin Barnes and Robert Charles host and perform in this monthly magic show on the first Wednesdays of the month. They also invite other magicians to perform. On October 1 psychic entertainer, Russ Johnson will be joining them. Also appearing is the first female magician from South America to appear at the Magic Castle, Alba (she rocks!). Magic Chicago performs at City Lit Theater at 1020 W. Bryn Mawr in the historic Edgewater Presbyterian Church. Tickets are $20.

Magic Chicago will also be having a special second gathering this month. Michael Caplon of Montrose Pictures (he also teaches at Columbia College in the Film and Video Department) has made a documentary about Eugene Burger who is considered to be one of the best teachers of the magical arts. A Magical Vision not only covers Eugene’s career as a magician and teacher, but explores both the the history of magic in general and in Chicago. Eugene will perform after the movie. The Hubby and I will be going to this as well. Tickets to the movie and show are $25.