Shawna R. B. Atteberry

Writing is brutal business. You think and you worry and you’re scared to death, but you still feel compelled to bare your soul to the world, wondering if you’re going to get back in one piece. Then you want to write but you’re frozen because you’re scared to death over what everyone is going to think . It really is a ridiculous process. You really have to be called to write. You have to know this is what you want to do. Otherwise it will tear you up and throw you to the side of the road. The Muses are not benevolent mistresses. It literally is gut wrenching work. Yet me and many others continue to do it. We continue to face the resistance or fear. Or we run away from it. There are days we let it distract us. We let it lull us into a protected web of TV watching and web surfing. I have done more TV watching and web surfing since I became a full time writer than any other point in my life (except when I had surgery). Of course it doesn’t help that I work at home.

Writing is not for wimps. It’s not for people who want to make an easy living or want to make money (fast or at all). It’s hard work. And most of the time no one notices. And yet millions of people in the past and present and millions in the future will bow to this brutal mistress and start putting words onto a page. Writing can be a relentless mistress who will make you grovel. But when you get it right… When the words flow… When you read back over a paragraph and wonder where the hell did that piece of art come from… It’s divine. When someone says that they read a piece of yours and liked it, loved it; it made them think; may be it will even change their lives, for awhile you forget the fear, self-doubt, and endless solitary hours. It must be like forgetting the pain of childbirth, once you hold the baby in your arms. Another divine moment.

So we writers keep plugging along. Sitting down everyday at the computer or the typewriter, or with a notebook and pen or pencil, and keep facing up to the doubt, the fears, the sheer resistance we feel at putting our very souls onto the page. When we finally get it right (after multiple drafts, breakdowns, and lots of chocolate), it can look so easy. But don’t fool yourself. It’s never easy. And it will never be easy.

Most of the time I have a love/hate relationship with my craft and its Muse. I’m not sure you can have any other relationship when you work in a creative field.

What about you? What creative work do you do? How do you feel about it? What kind of relationship do you have with your craft and your muse?

I have a new article up on Divine Caroline: Living with Clinical Depression.

Please let me know what you think. Do you have clinical depression? How do you live with it?

Divine Caroline has posted an article I wrote: What to Do When a Friendship Turns Abusive. Let me know what you think.

In stories, the subconscious mind gives voice to some of its most deeply cherished longings. In myths and legends, men and women make desperate attempts to tell one another who they are, why they are here, where they are going, and what they are meant to do. –Jim Ware, God of the Fairy Tale: Finding Truth in the Land of Make-Believe*

I was frightened, and I tried to heal my fear with stories, stories which gave me courage, stories which affirmed that utlimately love is stronger than hate. If love is stronger than hate, then war is not all there is. I wrote, and I illustrated my stories. At bedtime, my mother told me more stories. And so story helped me to learn to live. Story was in no way an evasion of life, but a way of living life creatively instead of fearfully. –Madeline L’Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art (Wheaton Literary Series)*

Stories have always been important to me, to who I am. I have read stories since I learned to read, and before that my mother told me stories. One of the first stories I remember writing was in the second grade. The only thing I remember is that it was set on Venus–we were studying the solar system in science.

I think the reason I prefer fiction to nonfiction is you can say things in a story that is harder to say in an article. You can challenge the status quo and confront issues from the side instead of head on. I think story carries more power and truth than an article based on fact. We have confused fact and truth: they are not the same thing, and they cannot always be equated. Facts and datum are just one part of truth–one facet. Not everything can be quantified and qualified by scientific method. I think that is the main reason that literalist Christians who have to prove the Bible as fact irritate me. Godde and her acts in this world cannot be reduced to mere facts and datum. And that does not make Godde or her actions any less true.

Story has the power to make you admit you are not the person you want to be. In story we can admit to what we really want and what we’re really looking for. It’s a safe haven, a sanctuary. There we can admit what our wildest longings and passions are, and it’s okay. I have learned more about God and life through story than I ever have through facts thrown at me about how God exists, and here’s the time line (or insert another chart) to prove it. I have learned more about who I am and who I want to be through story than through any other means. There is a reason why 60% of the Bible is narrative or story. We live in our stories. Life does not happen in one set of equations to another set of facts to another set of definitions. Life happens in living with each other, our stories overlapping, and growing into new and different stories.

I like to write nonfiction, but there is a reason why I write creative nonfiction: I need a story. But truth be told, I will always be  more at home in fiction than nonfiction, and fiction will always be my first choice when it comes to writing. (Hmmm may be I really do need to balance working on fiction and nonfiction more. May be I would write more of both if I wrote my first love along with the second. Is it possible to work on both a novel and nonfiction book at the same time?)

Here’s the last of my storytelling rambling: Nothing beats a good story…except for writing a good story.

(Originally posted on July 22, 2006. Sometimes you need to read back over old blog posts to remind yourself what you’re really supposed be to doing.)

*Affiliate links

Yes, that’s right Company Girls. I made progress on Career Women of the Bible, and it doesn’t suck as much! It’s not good, but there’s not the gnashing of teeth and pulling  out hair that was normal for oh-so-long. Oh yeah, it’s a good think I have enough hair for 8 people to begin with, so I’m not bald. I spent two good afternoons working at the library this week, and it is really starting to take shape. I’m happy.

On the not so good side, I made a bad financial decision. It’s not an all bad decision, but the timing with our finances are not good, and I should’ve waited. I’m looking for freelance writing, editing, and proofing jobs for additional income. Looking for freelance work means I need to update the resume. Ugh. Hate it. All sorts of stuck and fear on this one. But yesterday I did find a resume that wasn’t to icky but did a very good job of telling what the person could do for you. Using that as a model. I also need to update my About Page on my site because it sucks. More stuck. More fear. More ugh. But I will get there. I am hoping to have both the resume updated and a new About Me page done this weekend and all bright, shiny, and new to roll out next week.

OK back to the good side:  I joined a Toastmasters Group to get better at public speaking, and expand the speaking part of My Thing. The group seems really cool, has fun, and provides good feedback. Think I’m going to like it.

My best friend, Lainie’s, birthday is today, and I’m feeding her tonight! Beef bourginon and risotto with leeks and fennel. Lainie loves cheese and honey for dessert, so dessert will be fresh baked bread, goat cheese, brie, honey, chocolate, and almonds. (Because you can’t have a celebration with chocolate.)

I was voted onto the Vestry at church, so I’ll get to see what happens behind the scenes and help make very big decisions. I’m also preaching on March 21 and leading an Adult Faith Discussion April 11 on the Women at the Resurrection.

Today’s agenda is to go to yoga class, hit Trader Joes’, and do a little cleaning.

I hope everyone has a good weekend, and make sure you go visit other Company Girls!

Hey Company Girls! Sorry I’ve missed the last couple of Fridays, but things are have been crazy busy. First I am making headway on The Career Women of the Bible Book Proposal! Which is really, really sweet. The sample chapters are coming along nicely, and I have a good feel for how many pages each chapter needs to be to do what I want to do. I’m very, very happy. I am also back to regularly posting blogs. My poor blog will no longer be neglected. A minimum of three posts will be published each week. I am happy to be making some headway on the writing front. Who knew doing what you love to do the most for a living could be so hard?

As the title say, I joined a gym this week. I decided that if I was ever going to slim my very ample backside down, I would need some motivation, and paying a gym membership is very motivating. (I hate wasting money.) And it’s so easy to get to: I go out the back door of our building across the alley, into the back door of the building behind us, and gym. So I can’t use getting there as an excuse not to go. They have a pool, and I love to swim. Plus they do not use chlorine! They use some sort of sea water filtration system to keep all the germy things at bay, so no toxic smells and red eyes. The jacuzzi is beautiful: it’s on different levels and has waterfalls. A beautiful place to relax after swimming a few laps. They also have yoga classes, and I am happy to report they are actual yoga classes and exercise classes disguised as yoga. After I finishing up blogging, I will be heading over to get my swim in.

I also got together with a friend and brainstormed some ways I could start making money and networking more to get my name out there. So that was good. Now I just need to work on my inferiority complex by taking really, small baby steps as I step out in the whole networking, getting my name out there. I will definitely be working with my stuff on this one. And I’m sure there will be a sorts of stuckification, but I will work with both and on both and make sure my first steps are really, really tiny, so I don’t freak myself out too much.

It’s been a good week, and for that I am grateful. Last week was really hard, and I am glad for a week to catch my breath and get on firm ground again. Now I need to wrap this up so I can go swimming! Don’t forget to see what the other Company Girls are up to!

My dear neglected blog:

I know you don’t feel dear or loved or even somewhat liked. Because I’m so rarely here. I so rarely write and post. I procrastinate. I neglect you. I even ignore you. I’m so sorry. You see…I’m not just a flake–I am a huge, bigger than life FLAKE. I had to admit it after reading Sonia Simone’s post: The Complete Flake’s Guide to Getting Things Done. Here are the opening paragraphs:

Are you smart and motivated and passionate, and have lots of cool things you’d like to get done, but somehow when it comes to doing them, you just . . . don’t?

Are you great at ideas but lousy at execution? Talk a good game but don’t get any results? Spend a lot of time thinking about where you want to go, but not much time actually moving your ass down the road that would take you there?

You, my friend, are a flake. Congratulations. We are a worldwide force. If we could all get ourselves moving in the same direction, we would change the world. However, that will never happen.

I’m sure you’re recognizing several behaviors. I have grand plans for you, but I never quite get around to writing and posting. I am so passionate about how you could change how we think about the women and the Bible and tell the real story of women working outside the home, but then I hesitate; I doubt; I procrastinate; and then I find something else to do (yes, yes, I know Twitter is an addiction, and I don’t blame you for being jealous of all the time I spend there). Yes, I talk a good game but I don’t get any results, and you my dear friend remain neglected.

But don’t worry. Sonia has words of advice and help for flakes like me:

The Plan in 7 Reasonably Painless Steps

1. When you’ve got something to do, figure out what you really want to get out of it.

2. Do the pivotal technique. Think about what you want, then get clear about where you are right this minute. Notice the difference.

3. Figure out the next action.

4. Do what you feel like.

5. Rinse, lather, repeat.

6. Start a compost pile for ideas, notes, plans and insights.

7. Stick to three or four primary areas of focus.

So dear blog, I want you to know I am taking Sonia’s steps, and that you are one of my primary area of focus. I am going to find ways to be a flake and still get things done. I am going to find ways to be a flake, show my love for you, and write regular posts to show my love. Because I know you are tired of empty words and broken promises. But I’ve taken my first step. I’ve admitted that I have a problem: I’m a total and hopeless flake. And instead of changing that, I need to learn how to work with it. So dearest blog, I promise to stop turning away and use Sonia’s 7 Reasonable Painless Steps to show the attention and love that you deserve. You deserve to be updated regularly and marketed to shine as the gem I know you are.

Thank you for giving another chance (again).

Your humble flake,
Shawna R. B. Atteberry